Nov. 20th, 2015 10:53 am
eris_discordia: (Default)
[personal profile] eris_discordia
So I ended up taking the full day off yesterday as a sick day. I still couldn't seem to enjoy it though. I did play Zelda and play chess but my anxiety was still high. I even took an anxiety test online and sure enough I scored like a 60 out of 100. It seems like I better take some action and get this back under control. When I think about it I do pretty much always feel stressed out. The only times I actually feel good are when I'm not sober.. like drinking, on vicodin, or on lots of Clonazepam. I took a full pill (.5 mg) of Clonazepam last night thinking it would help me, but I actually ended up sleeping 14 hours straight!! wtf Guess I needed the sleep. But didn't I do this just last week too? I guess I should look. *hang on*

The two strongest symptoms I have I think is my constant tummy issues and also muscle weakness. I've been feeling muscle weakness in my left hand a lot, probably for weeks. When I finally googled it, its very much related to anxiety. So that tells me that my anxiety really is high and is probably the cause of most of my problems. The funny thing is, this is probably connected to me cutting back on drugs and alcohol. lol Something I thought would be good, and is good.. but I cut back like 10 weeks ago now. So the anxiety I'm feeling is not from withdrawal.. this is just my natural anxiety and it needs to be treated, so I guess I should go ahead and up my meds and maybe have a drink a day to help treat this. I have to wonder.... had I went out and played cornhole would my night have been different? Absolutely, yes it would have been. Even if I drank a little at my house I would have been better so I'll do that today, and I'll exercise and I'll work out a plan to help get out of this funk. I suppose I should work this weekend too. If I can work off one of the days its not ideal but its something. But I'll prob drink and be on Clonazepam while I do!!

The last thing is that not having good Vicodin is killing me. I don't always need it, but lately I do. It's the only thing that always makes me feel better and I don't have it right now. So I'm flying without a safety net basically. If I had it, I would probably could have went to work and used it in the afternoon or I would at least be looking forward to Sunday. But that's okay.. I do have other ways to feel better.. namely

1.) wine
2.) Clonazepam
3.) exercise
4.) coffee (not working lately)

So will I figure this out? I dunno, but I'm adding this to my resp list bc it obviously needs to be dealt with.


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