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[personal profile] eris_discordia
I'm giving myself five minutes to write an entry. I guess mostly I want to write about how I'm burned out from work, and pulled a muscle recently...

It was weird.. after the Bags for Babies tournament, I cried my eyes out. Why did I do that? Was I just drunk or something? Turned out that I only drank like 5.5 glasses of wine. Usually on a full day I do much worse than that. I know its dangerous to think about what makes you upset. The reason being, if its a chemical reaction, or hormones, then it just is what it is and you look for ways to justify that (and a lot of times there is no real reason.. I've learned the hard way)... But let me indulge if you will...

I think I was crying because I used to love cornhole so much and now I don't. I used to care about it SOOOO much... so that's one reason. Another is that I did badly. I kinda felt like crying after Christine and I lost 3 games in a row!! We have never performed so badly. And I believe I also cried because of the things I said to Braden.. but also because I let him run me over without even a fight. I lost to Adam but at least I played fairly well.. first half of the game I played pretty awesome. But I couldn't withstand it when he started not missing. And lastly, I def cried because of the pain nagging me all day long.. and wondering.. what does it mean?

In the past few weeks (or even months) I have slowly been stepping back from cornhole.. but now the choice has been taken away. That could be good and bad... good because I don't have to feel guilty for missing. I simply don't have a choice... but bad because now even if I want to play I can't (its good to have options)

So I don't know how long it will take for this to heal or where this is going to take me.. but whatever path I was on??? It may be accelerating...
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January 2017

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