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[personal profile] eris_discordia
It has been awhile since I wrote an entry. I think when I am happier I don't feel like writing as much. Actually, I know that to be true and I know that I have been happier lately. :) At the current moment, I feel two very positive emotions... EXCITEMENT and RELIEF.

Excitement... because I am taking small but concrete steps towards my dreams. Cleaning out the garage seems like such a small thing, but it IS a step towards selling my house, maybe moving out of Cleveland? Working on my resume seems like a basic thing, but its the same. It positions me better. And then my trip to Philly is next week!!! I only work Mon & Tue and then I have a free day, an amazing trip on the books!! Filled with chess, and fun things with Caleb.. exploration.. and getting to see Philadelphia in person.. see if the city is in fact calling to me. I will know when I'm there, if I belong... if this is right.

Relief... because I have rest days before and after the trip.. I had both days off this weekend... and then looking ahead... I saw something I have been longing for for years!! Weekend after weekend, of nothing planned!!! omg it feels so good! It means, I can rest and leave it open.. just pursue my goals. With that much time I could make TREMENDOUS progress! And secondly, I could fill that time with all kinds of things.. different things.. I will actually have time to make new friends, or rebuild old friendships (Ericka, Kris, Chrissie)... be there for my mom.. see my neice, nephew and sister! God, so many things. I just feel incredibly relieved to have so many weekends simply open like that. Will i fill some with chess tourneys or other things? Probably.. but i don't have to! It can just be open for now and I do think i like that the best. :)

Also, 1 last cornhole commitment.. well 3 i guess technically.. 2 league nights where I wll be a sub... and then the UC at the end of August. At this point, I doubt I will be attending but ya never know. I do have to say that while I have been pulling away from cornhole, there was a part of me that grieved so heavily about it... and missed it! And wanted to go back sometimes even. But finally I have reached a point... where I don't miss it anymore. I don't want it. I'm just completely immersed in looking forward... my goals, my dreams, and chess.... I think this is finally the end. I think I'm through the worse of it.. But it's also a beginning... and despite what is going on with my dad.. I really do feel the best is about to come :)
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