eris_discordia: (Default)
Not me.

I guess I'll start this journal off with why I chose the name that I did. Eris Discordia is the God of chaos. I original liked this name years ago when I started a screamo band with my sister and long time friend and drummer, and best friend on bass. The band was driven by me and I was the vocalist and lead song writer. It was everything I always wanted, and like most things plagued in chaos, it died a quick and sudden death. I've carried this with me like many things. I suppose my passion killed the band. I'm a passionate person. I tend to take things to the extreme. This can be such a good thing, but it always can drive people away from you.

I suppose that's my struggle. My intensity is too much for people and too much for me at times as well. It is my most prized possession and my worst curse at the same time. It drives me to success and failure simultaneously. It gives and it takes away, and I have no way of knowing when I've lost the wheel and it's driving me into a wall. It happens too fast and without warning. I've hit such a wall recently, which is why I'm noticing that I haven't really escaped these facts this year.

2010 has been a great year for me. There have been answers and hope for me this year. There's been living. There's been joy... something I don't find often, not without painful company. I intend to write more about this past year, but before I do I'll just say that I live my life. I'm responsible. I'm dedicated. I'm passionate and severe and loving. I'm caring and jarring. I'm friendly and I have it together. I know what I'm doing. I know where I want to go and I reach for those goals. And inside, is chaos. It's my dark secret I sometimes hide from even myself. I'm scared of what I'm capable of. When the dark side seizes me I enter another world even I cannot understand. But it comes. It ravages. And it throws me to the wolves.

If you are near me when this occurs, I will take you in with me.

I am Eris Discordia.

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