A December Ba: Post to Myself
Dec. 17th, 2011 09:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eris_discordiaI really, really don't feel like updating much these days, but I do right now. I dunno, I just find the way things are kinda strange lately. Maybe it's because of the weather change, or maybe it's for reasons I can't explain, but I've become rather anti-social lately. It seems like aside from cornhole, I don't want to do anything. Going out with friends seems boring to me, and I think it's mostly because I don't have anything to talk about. My life is literally boring. I've been on top of cleaning, I've been playing cornhole and I've been playing Zelda Ocarina of Time. That doesn't leave much to talk about. Work is status quo. Life is status quo.
Chrissie left in mid-October, so that means it's been 2 months now. I still think about her every day, but not in a "OMG I NEED HER BACK" kind of way. In all honesty, I do really enjoy living alone and I'm glad she's not here. She even asked to move back in one day and I had to tell her nope.. no way. It's quiet here and a little lonely at times, but overal I really really like it this way. I'm pretty much a private person and I really enjoy having complete control over my environment. And if anything is a mess or out of place, I like that it's because of ME. I can accept that somehow.
I thought I would dive full force into my winter hobbies, but I guess it's kind of hard. I have played lots of Zelda which is good. But cooking, reading and making music? Not so much. And strangely enough, Cornhole is my biggest hobbie by far and I've still been biking too. Never really thought of those as December hobbies. So I feel kind of lost on what my personal goals should be. I guess in addition to those hobbies leaking into the winter time, I've also been just keeping up with cleaning and still on my responsibility list. It takes up a lot of time. I'm pretty sure I do want to proceed with another goal though. I just think I should figure out which one and then FOCUS on that one and not just do a little here and a little there. Like DECIDE I'm going to make a brand new five song EP and then COMPLETE it before I take on a cooking goal or a book. Because doing them all at once is going to mean not getting anywhere with any of them. I don't know if that makes sense or not.
So I was supposed to go to Jacob's Christmas party tonight. I feel kind of bad because I want that friendship to develop and I turned him down for lunch and now I missed his party on top of it. Not a great move. It actually severs the connection instead of enhances it to blow him off like this, but I'm just being true to myself. I have no desire to party. I have no desire to talk to people and I can only guess it's for the same reason I mentioned earlier.. I have nothing to really talk about.
I guess that's why cornhole is fun. I mean not only am I pretty into it right now, but when I hang out with the others from the league, we all talk about cornhole. I did go out today and the only reason was because Ron called me to go throw some bags. lol I might as well roll with it though. I do, after all, love subcultures and I also love getting obsessed with one thing. I guess that thing right now is cornhole. I just wish I had a place I could play on my own even in the winter. I almost thought about setting it up in my house. lol! But I realize that the ceiling isn't high enough and I don't want to end up practicing wrong and throw my whole game off.
So I'm excited for Monday because that's cornhole league time! And I'm excited to have tomorrow off too. I don't want to Christmas shop, but I will have time to decide on a goal and pursue it in a small way to get started. So there you go.
I guess the other thing I wanted to mention was that it really is obvious to me now that my summer was super exciting and I was super happy almost 50% or more because of Teresa. Meeting her and making that connection was thrilling! In the back of my mind I keep thinking I should go back on Ok Cupid and meet someone else, but eh.. I just don't care. I don't know. It's a weird phase to be in.. this anti-social phase. It's basically a boring, non-eventful phase, but it's also super enjoyable. I don't know. I prefer myself when I'm being a crazy risk taker and accomplishing crazy things, but maybe this is part of getting older and just enjoying life sometimes. Just like how I wish my career was advancing, but I also really love my existing job and boss and freedom and it's kinda hard to leave that behind, even if it will benefit me a lot more in the long run. (maybe).
I guess for now I'm just going to roll with things and see what happens. I might as well enjoy life. Things rarely stay boring for long...
Chrissie left in mid-October, so that means it's been 2 months now. I still think about her every day, but not in a "OMG I NEED HER BACK" kind of way. In all honesty, I do really enjoy living alone and I'm glad she's not here. She even asked to move back in one day and I had to tell her nope.. no way. It's quiet here and a little lonely at times, but overal I really really like it this way. I'm pretty much a private person and I really enjoy having complete control over my environment. And if anything is a mess or out of place, I like that it's because of ME. I can accept that somehow.
I thought I would dive full force into my winter hobbies, but I guess it's kind of hard. I have played lots of Zelda which is good. But cooking, reading and making music? Not so much. And strangely enough, Cornhole is my biggest hobbie by far and I've still been biking too. Never really thought of those as December hobbies. So I feel kind of lost on what my personal goals should be. I guess in addition to those hobbies leaking into the winter time, I've also been just keeping up with cleaning and still on my responsibility list. It takes up a lot of time. I'm pretty sure I do want to proceed with another goal though. I just think I should figure out which one and then FOCUS on that one and not just do a little here and a little there. Like DECIDE I'm going to make a brand new five song EP and then COMPLETE it before I take on a cooking goal or a book. Because doing them all at once is going to mean not getting anywhere with any of them. I don't know if that makes sense or not.
So I was supposed to go to Jacob's Christmas party tonight. I feel kind of bad because I want that friendship to develop and I turned him down for lunch and now I missed his party on top of it. Not a great move. It actually severs the connection instead of enhances it to blow him off like this, but I'm just being true to myself. I have no desire to party. I have no desire to talk to people and I can only guess it's for the same reason I mentioned earlier.. I have nothing to really talk about.
I guess that's why cornhole is fun. I mean not only am I pretty into it right now, but when I hang out with the others from the league, we all talk about cornhole. I did go out today and the only reason was because Ron called me to go throw some bags. lol I might as well roll with it though. I do, after all, love subcultures and I also love getting obsessed with one thing. I guess that thing right now is cornhole. I just wish I had a place I could play on my own even in the winter. I almost thought about setting it up in my house. lol! But I realize that the ceiling isn't high enough and I don't want to end up practicing wrong and throw my whole game off.
So I'm excited for Monday because that's cornhole league time! And I'm excited to have tomorrow off too. I don't want to Christmas shop, but I will have time to decide on a goal and pursue it in a small way to get started. So there you go.
I guess the other thing I wanted to mention was that it really is obvious to me now that my summer was super exciting and I was super happy almost 50% or more because of Teresa. Meeting her and making that connection was thrilling! In the back of my mind I keep thinking I should go back on Ok Cupid and meet someone else, but eh.. I just don't care. I don't know. It's a weird phase to be in.. this anti-social phase. It's basically a boring, non-eventful phase, but it's also super enjoyable. I don't know. I prefer myself when I'm being a crazy risk taker and accomplishing crazy things, but maybe this is part of getting older and just enjoying life sometimes. Just like how I wish my career was advancing, but I also really love my existing job and boss and freedom and it's kinda hard to leave that behind, even if it will benefit me a lot more in the long run. (maybe).
I guess for now I'm just going to roll with things and see what happens. I might as well enjoy life. Things rarely stay boring for long...
