eris_discordia | Polarized Self Esteem

Sometimes I'm fascinated by what I can only explain as polarized self esteem. This describes how I feel about myself. It's like, I basically really really love myself, and think I'm really awesome, but at the same time, I expect everyone on the planet to pretty much feel the complete opposite about me. So I love myself, but expect people to think I'm lame or too weird or something and write me off. I'm sure this stems from me knowing I was different at a young age, but constantly hearing my parents, and well, most of society talk so badly about people who were like me. So I kept my mouth shut so people would like me or approve of me or whatever. So since then... Since deciding to just be me and not placate others, I expect to be hated.

So the whole thing just feels weird and complicated. It has lead to me being quite judgmental and maybe a touch rebellious with some things. And it's lead me into pretty awesome subcultures that really, in the eyes of mainstream society, are in fact weird and they just can't get it. But at the same time, I find those people incredibly mundane and boring.

There's no point to this. I've just had this on my mind lately. That is all. =)