Rejuvination
Jul. 5th, 2011 04:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eris_discordiaSo I just realized this past month, things have finally came alive again. My life is alive again, filled with activity and outdoor hobbies. My relationship with Chrissie feels halfway alive again, AND on top of that I've met a new friend which I'm totally excited about, my anxiety is down, my energy is up and I dare say.. I'm actually happy? Holy crap.
Chrissie and I barely survived the last 6 months. They were rough. And I knew that it was either A.) The end of us, or B.) A painful restart.
As Housing Director of Slavic Village Development, allow me to describe this in terms of a house. If you build a house on a bad foundation, what you are going to end up with is a crappy house that over time, is going to need some serious freaking work. You might want to just demolish the thing and build a new house somewhere else, or you could bite the bullet and jack up the house and rebuild a whole new foundation, and then carefully place the house back on it's now solid foundation, done right. So you probably get it. We've been doing that over the last 6 months. The old foundation was codependency and the result was an unstable house that over time, was falling apart big time. Even though it was very beautiful, it just wasn't good on the old foundation. So now the house is on jacks, and we are rebuilding that foundation using healthy friendship, fun, independence, mutual support, AND the love that was always there from the start.
Will this work? I have no idea, but it sure seems like we are headed in the right direction. I think the tough part was actually separating the house from the foundation. It just felt horrible and scary and impossible to figure out what was going to happen next and if everything would be okay. It was heartache, pure and simple. It felt more wretched than a break up. I mean, it kinda was a break up. Everything changed, and needed to change, and now that it's changed, I think we're adjusting and in a position to move forward.
I feel like I've owed any of my remaining friends on LJ or DW or whatever an update on that for a long while, so there you go. =)
So that being said, my god June has been wonderful. I thought the torment might last forever! And as much as I love anger swirling in the air and cringing my teeth in an attempt to not break things, I like this a little better. The cornhole league has been super fun. The garden is super fun. Biking is super fun. I'm accomplishing things. I'm working on the house. I'm making more friends. I'm building existing friendships. I'm busy. I'm healthy. Life is just really good and reminding me of last year now, which was also really good.. probably the best year of my life in a long time.
So that's where I'm at, and yes I have a new friend who is super cool. I met her when Chrissie and I were at a low point, and I'm really glad I did. She's a scientist and a marathan runner, and gay, of course. =) I like homos, what can I say? And I haven't clicked with someone like this in a long time. It's a great feeling, and I can tell we both want to hang out as much as we can. We also have so much in common that there's TONS for us to do together and talk about. It's a beautiful thing, and she's making being independent come easy for me. My hope was that I could find a new friend to help fill up those nights that I would spend alone and sad while Chrissie was out with her new friend Monica. Well, I accomplished that first try. She's AWESOME.
Plus, to be honest, I don't mind Chrissie being a little nervous (not too much) about it. I think she takes me for granted sometimes.
So yes, life is a wonderful thing. I was going to write about my weekend, which was pretty freaking cool, but I suppose this is sufficient for an entry. =)
Chrissie and I barely survived the last 6 months. They were rough. And I knew that it was either A.) The end of us, or B.) A painful restart.
As Housing Director of Slavic Village Development, allow me to describe this in terms of a house. If you build a house on a bad foundation, what you are going to end up with is a crappy house that over time, is going to need some serious freaking work. You might want to just demolish the thing and build a new house somewhere else, or you could bite the bullet and jack up the house and rebuild a whole new foundation, and then carefully place the house back on it's now solid foundation, done right. So you probably get it. We've been doing that over the last 6 months. The old foundation was codependency and the result was an unstable house that over time, was falling apart big time. Even though it was very beautiful, it just wasn't good on the old foundation. So now the house is on jacks, and we are rebuilding that foundation using healthy friendship, fun, independence, mutual support, AND the love that was always there from the start.
Will this work? I have no idea, but it sure seems like we are headed in the right direction. I think the tough part was actually separating the house from the foundation. It just felt horrible and scary and impossible to figure out what was going to happen next and if everything would be okay. It was heartache, pure and simple. It felt more wretched than a break up. I mean, it kinda was a break up. Everything changed, and needed to change, and now that it's changed, I think we're adjusting and in a position to move forward.
I feel like I've owed any of my remaining friends on LJ or DW or whatever an update on that for a long while, so there you go. =)
So that being said, my god June has been wonderful. I thought the torment might last forever! And as much as I love anger swirling in the air and cringing my teeth in an attempt to not break things, I like this a little better. The cornhole league has been super fun. The garden is super fun. Biking is super fun. I'm accomplishing things. I'm working on the house. I'm making more friends. I'm building existing friendships. I'm busy. I'm healthy. Life is just really good and reminding me of last year now, which was also really good.. probably the best year of my life in a long time.
So that's where I'm at, and yes I have a new friend who is super cool. I met her when Chrissie and I were at a low point, and I'm really glad I did. She's a scientist and a marathan runner, and gay, of course. =) I like homos, what can I say? And I haven't clicked with someone like this in a long time. It's a great feeling, and I can tell we both want to hang out as much as we can. We also have so much in common that there's TONS for us to do together and talk about. It's a beautiful thing, and she's making being independent come easy for me. My hope was that I could find a new friend to help fill up those nights that I would spend alone and sad while Chrissie was out with her new friend Monica. Well, I accomplished that first try. She's AWESOME.
Plus, to be honest, I don't mind Chrissie being a little nervous (not too much) about it. I think she takes me for granted sometimes.
So yes, life is a wonderful thing. I was going to write about my weekend, which was pretty freaking cool, but I suppose this is sufficient for an entry. =)
